The End

Well its about time to wrap this up. The long hard road of recovery is pretty much over. Although this is more than likely something i will have to deal with the rest of my life. 10 to 20 years from now i dread how my back is going to be. The last time i blew out my back over 3 years ago now it took over 6 months to just fell slightly better.
To sum up the recovery it was a tough go at first. The first 3 weeks were the hardest. The first 2 weeks being absolutely brutal. That 3rd week was all about transition. After that the hardest fight was motivation and trying to find it. If you can i recommend some place warm and sunny after that 3rd week it made a huge difference for me. After that just try and find a routine and stick to it. A good routine will help ya get dialed back into reality and its amazing how easy things get everyday after. I hope i helped somebody or anybody out there who was struggling with a problem of there own.
If you read this and felt you may have been on your way to a problem or are just using pills for fun all i can say is DONT DO IT! Its not worth it in the end. The satisfaction and happiness you get from alittle pill will never out weight or replace real life. And if your not careful you might just lose everything you hold most dear. There is nothing worse than the lose of love and knowing you may never get it back.

Later Days All

A Thank You

Saint Maximilian Mary Kobe

I would like to give a final thanks to this man.

Long Time No Post

Hey Hey,
Been awhile since i have posted so i just wanted to jump on and update. Everything for the most part had been going very well. Trying to find a job has been a bitch, been bored out of my skull, and im glad baseball season is almost here. The trip to Hawaii did me alot of good. When i got back it was the first time in awhile i actually felt like my old self again and it would be nice to get my old life back which doesnt look like its gonna happen. Its been almost 4 months and all of the issues with the withdrawal's are gone. Sometimes i still feel really sluggish and it takes awhile to get going thats really about it. I had one minor issue with a slight panic/anxiety attack. But i figured out what had caused it. It seems i have developed a extreme sensitivity to caffeine. Which is odd to say the least. I used to drink triple ice mochas in the morning and some type of energy drink in the afternoon with zero issues. But now i cant even touch caffeine without it making me freak out. I used to love coffe it makes me sad im scared to drink it anymore. I dont want to be one of those losers who only drinks decaff.
Went through a period of fiending for pills but it didnt last long. It was a really intense craving but i managed to fight my way through it. I did tweak my back a few weeks back which really sucked. I had been feeling good and hitting the gym. When i feel good physically i always forget that i have to pace myself and i over did it. It sucked, i feel like a old man when my back goes out. I managed to not use any pain killers and just tuffed it out for a week with just a few muscle relaxers. I hate those muscle relaxers they turn my into a zombie. I get so tired and groggy.
Just wanted to let everybody who may still be reading this that i didnt fall off the wagon. Later.

Home Again Home Again

Been home alittle over a week now. I cant say its good to be back. I am already missing the islands. Its hard to leave sun and warmth behind. When i got back the difference in temperature was like 45 degrees. And being gone alittle over 3 weeks it took some getting used to. The first day home i was freezing all day and had to crank the heat up. My cat was more than happy to see me. He went crazy and wouldnt leave me alone and be quiet for days. I had some people taking care of him but he just hid from them when they came over.
The trip was much needed. It really helped to fight off the withdrawal blues. When i left i wasnt feeling all that great. Couped up in my apartment for the good part of a month trying to recover was really wearing me down. I really needed to get away. The moment i got off that plane and the sun and warmth hit me i felt instantly better. Within days i began to feel human again. Its amazing how alittle sun can make you feel so much better. Thats the main reason i left, sun. Its been so cold, damp, and dark here. I was craving the sun. My body really feeds off the sun, it feels like it heals me. It also helped to have so many things to do everyday. I didnt want to waste any of my time there. Everyday i was up early and out late. No matter what i took everyday to find a place to watch the sun set and take time to reflect and think.
I managed to see or visit just about everything i wanted. Only when i was in Kauai did i miss out on a few things. I didnt give myself as much time as i needed on the island. I didnt help that a few days prior to heading there i hurt my foot. The main plan on Kauai was to hike all the great trails they had there and i had to hold back on the walking. I also met alot of great people, made some new friends, and had a few surprises.
It was good. I have been so wrapped up and controlled by the drugs. I forgot what its like to be alive. They made me a pale mindless zombie. This trip brought me back to the living. Now i want to get my life back, fight to get back those things i lost.

Winding Down

The Na Pali coast, amazing.

Well the Hawaii trip is slowly coming to an end. I need to get back to the mainland soon. Big UFC fight on saturday i dont want to miss and of course the Superbowl is sunday. Have i even been missed? Who knows. Oh well i had the trip of a lifetime. The only person/critter who has probably missed me is my furry little buddy. I dont think we have been apart for more than a few days in over 4 years i love that little bugger. Back soon until then, Aloha.

More Kauai

I am loving every minute here on Kauai. I found the most amazing beach i have ever seen and by far the best beach i have been to while i am here. It was hard to get a good picture of it. It was simply amazing.

It is really 2 beaches in one. The first beach was Haena. It has no reef to protect it and waves coming in are 15 to 20 feet high! And im not making that up it was intense. Farther down is Tunnels beach which is protected by a huge reef system. It is so amazing and almost zero people around. In the distance at the edge of the reef massive what i guess at more 15 to 20 feet waves crash on the reef. There is a point were you can walk in ankle deep water on the reef just to the edge were the waves are crashing on the reef it is breath taking and kinda scary. I have never seen anything like it and behind the beach massive mountains covered in green. The only thing i can say is "Wow!" I spent the whole day here it was bliss.
Caught my first fish of the trip today. I was so jacked up after i reeled it in, like a little kid. Actually caught a few of them and some others.

Kauai

Wow what can i say Kauai is simply amazing. They call it the garden island and for good reason it is paradise. The geography here is really intense. See for yourself.



I have found the best local food here to. I am drooling just thinking about it right now. Cheap and huge portions. They have the best poke i have had so far and possibly the best potatoe salad i have ever had period! And the fish OMG! so good.


This island is kinda kooky it is infested with wild chickens and roosters. They are all over the place and i mean everywhere running free.