The End

Well its about time to wrap this up. The long hard road of recovery is pretty much over. Although this is more than likely something i will have to deal with the rest of my life. 10 to 20 years from now i dread how my back is going to be. The last time i blew out my back over 3 years ago now it took over 6 months to just fell slightly better.
To sum up the recovery it was a tough go at first. The first 3 weeks were the hardest. The first 2 weeks being absolutely brutal. That 3rd week was all about transition. After that the hardest fight was motivation and trying to find it. If you can i recommend some place warm and sunny after that 3rd week it made a huge difference for me. After that just try and find a routine and stick to it. A good routine will help ya get dialed back into reality and its amazing how easy things get everyday after. I hope i helped somebody or anybody out there who was struggling with a problem of there own.
If you read this and felt you may have been on your way to a problem or are just using pills for fun all i can say is DONT DO IT! Its not worth it in the end. The satisfaction and happiness you get from alittle pill will never out weight or replace real life. And if your not careful you might just lose everything you hold most dear. There is nothing worse than the lose of love and knowing you may never get it back.

Later Days All

A Thank You

Saint Maximilian Mary Kobe

I would like to give a final thanks to this man.

Long Time No Post

Hey Hey,
Been awhile since i have posted so i just wanted to jump on and update. Everything for the most part had been going very well. Trying to find a job has been a bitch, been bored out of my skull, and im glad baseball season is almost here. The trip to Hawaii did me alot of good. When i got back it was the first time in awhile i actually felt like my old self again and it would be nice to get my old life back which doesnt look like its gonna happen. Its been almost 4 months and all of the issues with the withdrawal's are gone. Sometimes i still feel really sluggish and it takes awhile to get going thats really about it. I had one minor issue with a slight panic/anxiety attack. But i figured out what had caused it. It seems i have developed a extreme sensitivity to caffeine. Which is odd to say the least. I used to drink triple ice mochas in the morning and some type of energy drink in the afternoon with zero issues. But now i cant even touch caffeine without it making me freak out. I used to love coffe it makes me sad im scared to drink it anymore. I dont want to be one of those losers who only drinks decaff.
Went through a period of fiending for pills but it didnt last long. It was a really intense craving but i managed to fight my way through it. I did tweak my back a few weeks back which really sucked. I had been feeling good and hitting the gym. When i feel good physically i always forget that i have to pace myself and i over did it. It sucked, i feel like a old man when my back goes out. I managed to not use any pain killers and just tuffed it out for a week with just a few muscle relaxers. I hate those muscle relaxers they turn my into a zombie. I get so tired and groggy.
Just wanted to let everybody who may still be reading this that i didnt fall off the wagon. Later.

Home Again Home Again

Been home alittle over a week now. I cant say its good to be back. I am already missing the islands. Its hard to leave sun and warmth behind. When i got back the difference in temperature was like 45 degrees. And being gone alittle over 3 weeks it took some getting used to. The first day home i was freezing all day and had to crank the heat up. My cat was more than happy to see me. He went crazy and wouldnt leave me alone and be quiet for days. I had some people taking care of him but he just hid from them when they came over.
The trip was much needed. It really helped to fight off the withdrawal blues. When i left i wasnt feeling all that great. Couped up in my apartment for the good part of a month trying to recover was really wearing me down. I really needed to get away. The moment i got off that plane and the sun and warmth hit me i felt instantly better. Within days i began to feel human again. Its amazing how alittle sun can make you feel so much better. Thats the main reason i left, sun. Its been so cold, damp, and dark here. I was craving the sun. My body really feeds off the sun, it feels like it heals me. It also helped to have so many things to do everyday. I didnt want to waste any of my time there. Everyday i was up early and out late. No matter what i took everyday to find a place to watch the sun set and take time to reflect and think.
I managed to see or visit just about everything i wanted. Only when i was in Kauai did i miss out on a few things. I didnt give myself as much time as i needed on the island. I didnt help that a few days prior to heading there i hurt my foot. The main plan on Kauai was to hike all the great trails they had there and i had to hold back on the walking. I also met alot of great people, made some new friends, and had a few surprises.
It was good. I have been so wrapped up and controlled by the drugs. I forgot what its like to be alive. They made me a pale mindless zombie. This trip brought me back to the living. Now i want to get my life back, fight to get back those things i lost.

Winding Down

The Na Pali coast, amazing.

Well the Hawaii trip is slowly coming to an end. I need to get back to the mainland soon. Big UFC fight on saturday i dont want to miss and of course the Superbowl is sunday. Have i even been missed? Who knows. Oh well i had the trip of a lifetime. The only person/critter who has probably missed me is my furry little buddy. I dont think we have been apart for more than a few days in over 4 years i love that little bugger. Back soon until then, Aloha.

More Kauai

I am loving every minute here on Kauai. I found the most amazing beach i have ever seen and by far the best beach i have been to while i am here. It was hard to get a good picture of it. It was simply amazing.

It is really 2 beaches in one. The first beach was Haena. It has no reef to protect it and waves coming in are 15 to 20 feet high! And im not making that up it was intense. Farther down is Tunnels beach which is protected by a huge reef system. It is so amazing and almost zero people around. In the distance at the edge of the reef massive what i guess at more 15 to 20 feet waves crash on the reef. There is a point were you can walk in ankle deep water on the reef just to the edge were the waves are crashing on the reef it is breath taking and kinda scary. I have never seen anything like it and behind the beach massive mountains covered in green. The only thing i can say is "Wow!" I spent the whole day here it was bliss.
Caught my first fish of the trip today. I was so jacked up after i reeled it in, like a little kid. Actually caught a few of them and some others.

Kauai

Wow what can i say Kauai is simply amazing. They call it the garden island and for good reason it is paradise. The geography here is really intense. See for yourself.



I have found the best local food here to. I am drooling just thinking about it right now. Cheap and huge portions. They have the best poke i have had so far and possibly the best potatoe salad i have ever had period! And the fish OMG! so good.


This island is kinda kooky it is infested with wild chickens and roosters. They are all over the place and i mean everywhere running free.

Back to Waikiki

So i am back in Waikiki from the other side of Ohau. Not as many people over there which is nice and its got kind of a different vibe. The beaches over there are really nice.

At some points the mountains come right down to the beach and its so incredible looking. Getting there and back was a pain as i dont have a car here on Ohau and the bus system isnt the greatest. Visited the north shore for a few to check out the surfers. The surf was pretty crazy i couldnt imagine being out there. Not as much to do or see just very chill. Ate some really good local food.

Back to Waikiki for a suprise. Picked out a cheaper hotel this time but its not to bad and it has free internet.

Having to post date some blog entries as internet access has been spotty.
Off to Kauai for my final island visit soon. Never been there so i cant wait! Aloha

Ohau

Its amazingly cheap to catch a plane to any of the other islands. So now i am in Ohau staying in Waikiki. Decided to splurge a bit and scored a 4 star hotel for really really cheap. Waikiki is nice but its a bit of a tourist trap. It kinda reminds me of Las Vegas without the casinos. Gonna stay in Waikiki for a few and then head over to the other side of the island and try to get away from all the people. Waikiki at sunset is pretty amazing. Everyday i make it down to the beach to watch the sunset. It so relaxing.

So far i have been to Hanauma bay several times to do some snorkeling and just chill on the beach. I love snorkeling there is nothing like it.

Hiked up Diamond head. It has amazing views of Ohau. Was able to see lots of whales from the top of Diamond Head. Took a nice shot of Waikiki from the top.

The hotel i am staying at is one of the better in Waikiki. The have a sushi restaurant there that has 50% off sushi on Sundays and Mondays and it is freaking awesome! The fish is so fresh. I went there on Sunday and stuffed myself. I couldnt stop it was so good. Had dinner with this couple from the Seattle area i randomly ran into the other day. I have actually meet alot of interesting people on my trip so far. The hotel has a great pool area to chill at. Nothing like a warm tropical breeze, sweet sunshine, and a cold beer in hand down by the pool.

Still want to visit the aquarium and zoo before i head to the other side of the island. Its supposed to be even more tropical. I think they film Lost over there. Cant wait, Aloha!

Big Island

So i have been chillin on the Big Island for a few weeks now. I actually have been renting a room from this nice old hippie lady on her plantation style house. Its been pretty cool. The weather has been kinda lousy and she kinda lives out in the middle of no mans land so getting around is kinda of a pain. The big island is just that alittle to big. The side she lives on is the rainy side and it takes about 1 and 1/2 to 2 hours get over to dry side which has the better beaches. Here are a few pics of her place.


Got sick of the weather and wanted to stay on the other side of the island so i found this cool camping ranch you can stay at and its dirt cheap. They hook ya up with everything ya need and the place has all kinds of cool stuff. Here is were i stayed for a few night.

Starting getting kinda bored on the Big Island and saw pretty much every thing there. Beaches, volcano, etc... So i decided to pull up and head off to Ohau and that is were i am at now. Probly gonna cool it here for a few and then maybe jump over to Kauai to finish off the trip. Later all, Aloha.

Green Pastures

Ah Paradise!

Long time no post. Just wanted to let everybody know that i am still doing okey dokey. No relapse to worry about. The reason i have not posted in so long is that i packed up and moved to Hawaii for awhile to be exact Kauai. I have actually been over here since January 5th. Internet access hasnt been the greatest along with my phone. I have to head into town to get a wi-fi internet connection and get a decent signal on my phone. I lost a bunch of my pictures i took to my lousy borrowed laptop. I will try to get some posted soon. Until then Aloha.

Final Goal: Day 30

30 days and all is well, almost.
The difference in the way i feel is very apparent. I have regained energy, desire, drive, i want to be apart of the living. No more paranoia, anxiety, depression, or even a desire to take pills. The fear of withdrawal always kept me taking the pills. And yet it only took 30 days to get free of them. Honestly it really only took about 3 weeks to feel free. The first week was pure hell and it felt like it lasted 30 days. The 2nd week was alot of ups and downs and trying to stay focused on the fact it was going to get better. The 3rd week things were looking up. The 4th week has been just getting back to normal and fighting to get my old life back. Even thou i have hit my goal i have to remember that the demon is always there waiting for its chance to regain control and i must stay vigilant. With Gods grace i hope to do just that. I cant overstate how finding the power of God has helped me thru all this. Sometimes bad things happen to good people for a reason and it shows them the light and the way.
For those of you out there that may have read or are reading this and are experiencing the same problem. I can tell you its not as hard as you think it will be to stop. It just takes willpower and you have to want to quit. Even with almost no support except for 1 friend i hardly knew sending me a simple text and being left to fend for myself i was able to do it. It can be hard if not impossible for others to understand what you went thru or that there frustration towards you was the drugs influencing your behavior and at times you were out of your own control. Hopefully they will understand and be there to support you, sometimes they wont. I used this negative experience to look inward on myself. It made me stronger and better. I used this blog to empower my mind and dissect myself to a positive end. Being able to express and share my experience even if it was with only 1 person gave me the strength i needed. Once you get to the point i am at now and you will wonder why you ever let it get a hold of you. Drugs just are not worth it.

Happy New Year!!!

New Years from the Space Needle.
I have no idea why it recorded sideways or how to fix it, lol.
Went and saw a buddies band play for New Years and made some new friends during the show. We decided to head over to the Space Needle to watch the fireworks at midnight. Happy New Year everyone.