Day 16

Passed out cold last night right about midnight. I slept till almost noon the next day. I would wake up at times but just pass right out again. To bad it was somewhat drug induced. I took a muscle relaxer actually hoping it would knock me out. So it wasnt natural sleep like i would have liked. Had some very intense dreams. Before i finally got up i was feeling very emotional. I had this intense feeling of loss that was brought on by some crazy dreams.
When i got up it was freezing in my apartment and that didnt help my motivation to get up and work out. Had to force myself to the gym and it took forever to get warmed up and going. Took awhile but i started getting into it. Man am i out of shape. Been sitting on my butt way to long. I have also lost alot of weight. I am about 5 pounds under my average weight and losing 5 pounds is alot for me. Im looking pretty scrawny. I plan on turning that around asap. I wish i could start playing volleyball again but i doubt my elbow let alone my back is gonna allow it. Along time ago i destroyed my elbow in a tournament. I hyper extended it and kept on playing by the end of the tourney i couldnt move my fingers and hardly lift my arm. Its been bad ever since. I guess you could call it one of my flaws. I have always had that "gotta do whats best for the team" attitude. So if i was hurt or in pain i would just press right thru it and keep going. Its part of the reason my backs so messed up.
Overall im feeling pretty good today. I had a brief moment of anxiety down at the gym and im not sure why. I have a few breathing exercises i have been using and it helped take me out of it. Body feels good less the cold outside i would be feeling great. Head fuzz is gone and emotions are starting to stabilize. Motivation and energy are still off and as i type this im feeling really groggy and tired. I am finding it hard to concentrate at times and i feel alittle blu.
Decided despite the snow warnings and what not to head out and get some stuff done. Friggin news stations love to blow weather way out of proportion. STORM WATCH! Is plastered all over the place and it hasnt snowed a flake here. Went to church for another round of cleaning out the soul. Been taking advantage of the special advent absolution they have and it has helped. When im down there it gives me a chance to reflect and think without any disruption. An older lady was having a hard time walking up the side steps to the church. In the past i would have just walked right by her. Instead today when i saw her i asked her if she needed a hand and let her lean on me as she walked up the steps.
Any who back to the STORM WATCH!!!