Trying to get to sleep is really kicking my butt. Forced myself to stay awake yesterday hoping it would lead to a major sack out later that night. Wrong! Tried to go to bed around midnight and ended up staring at the ceiling for the next 2+ hours. Ended up with about 5 hours of ok sleep. Passed out on the couch late this afternoon. Thats gonna make sleep tonight difficult.
Felt pretty good today. Body feels good and head feels not to shabby either. Still kinda got the blahs. Brain feels kinda blank today. Im still not mentally myself. I can tell by the way im acting. Motivation and energy still arent that great. When i think about something i need or want to do it takes forever to get on it. I find im vegging out on the tv way to much. I have almost no appetite. I had to force myself to eat yesterday. Probably only eating 2 small meals a day and not snacking at all. Im just not hungry. Combine not enuff food energy and sleep and i can see why im feeling so blah. Everyday is getting better. Really need some solid sleep. Gonna jump on the exercise train tomorrow and that should help.
Got out for awhile today. Its freezing outside but nice and sunny. I found a nice place to park right in sun and soaked up some rays. Went on a top secret mission that was a follow up from yesterdays info gathering session. More on that later. Talked to my brother today and yesterday. Feel bad because he only works a few miles away and the whole time i was using he would say "drop by" or "lets get some lunch" and i would just blow him off. He also has a nice boat that he offered to take me out on many times during the summer and again i would blow him off or feign interest. Its pretty pathetic on my part. Hes my brother and we used to be really good buddies and look how i treated him. It shows how much those pills had a hold on me. Makes me sad to think about the good times we could have had and how i threw them away for a handful of pills. He had some big info for me but more on that later.
3 comments:
You really feel like good now? No anxiousness? Did you have any anxiousness at all during this?
I do feel pretty good. There has been almost no anxiety. Im not sure why. I have had brief moments here and there but nothing like what i went thru before. Something has been different. No alcohol and the supplements i have been taking are helping. My state of mind seems much better this time. Not as much paranoia and negative thoughts. Admitting my problem has helped. Before i was always trying to hide or cover it up and i would psyche myself out alot of times.
Well thats good.:) So like even through the withdrawls you didnt get that nervous, gonna come out of your skin, gotta stretch feeling?
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